Let It Go

I have never been a pack rat. I don’t collect things or keep things that have no use. I have never been one with regrets, the past is in the past and I don’t let it weigh me down. And yet, this year, I have learned three very powerful words:

Let it go.

If you can fix it, do. If you can change it, do. If you can’t, let it go.

I like to have themes in my year. In 2012, I said “Enjoy the process.” And in 2013, I planned to use “Never be afraid of hard work.”

But, magically, a new theme emerged right when I needed it most. I didn’t plan for the phrase of 2013 to be Let It Go, but it was.

My older sister has changed her phone number, refuses to speak to us, and is very possibly in an abusive relationship. Yet I cannot help her.

Let it go.

My Nana’s long battle with pulmonary fibrosis finally ended and she died peacefully at home surrounded by family. Except me. I was 5000 miles away.

Let it go.

My seven year journey for a PhD ended with the words I dreamed of hearing, “Congratulations, Dr. Whitener.” That struggle is over.

Let it go.

When the weight of life threatened to suffocate me into inaction, pity, grief, guilt, the words came, “Let it go.”

Thank you, 2013, for delivering such a powerful mantra. Thank you for giving me the courage to move on.

Today my younger sister and I are running a 10k together. We’re doing it because we can. Because it’s there, we’re fit, and it’s the right way to say, “Let it go,” to this year where pushing against the brick wall didn’t get us anywhere.

(As if it ever had before.)

Next year we’ll run 500 miles. It’s the distance between our houses and the right mileage for our skill level. We’ll continue to improve and grow and get faster and stronger.

But above all, we’ll continue to heal, to learn, to try, and to encourage one another to do the same.

As a writer, I should be cynical and snarky about motivational phrases and crappy mantras. But I’m not. I think words are the most powerful tool I have. 

I love words. 

I love the way they mean different things in different circumstances, the way they move through my life with the right nudge and pull.

Sometimes a phrase will just speak to me, as if it were written just for me.

This year that phrase was, “Let it go.” Unclench. Release. Forgive. Forget. Move on. Thanks, 2013.

 

Come on in, 2014. What’s next?