Teachable Moments on the Side of a Mountain

There’s a great recurring joke on Modern Family wherein Cam and Mitchell are attempting to respond to Lily’s behavior and they declare the instance a “teachable moment.”

It reminds the rest of us that we can react irrationally to our children or we can help them understand the impact of their behavior.

Over the years, Charlie and I have had multiple teachable moments with Hollie and I’m proud to say we’ve both gained emotional maturity. We very rarely respond irrationally to Hollie’s behavior.

But even the most self-controlled adults can lose their cool on the side of a mountain.

Here are a few universal truths that must be stated before this story can be fully appreciated:

First, skiing is hard. Maneuvering long sticks on one’s feet, the discomfort of the boots tightly locked down, the arbitrary waving of the poles, hurtling down a hill with nothing but a fall or a tree to stop inertia, all of these combine to make the whole thing truly terrifying.

She's five, reluctantly, on her birthday

We are in Brando, racing down the interstate, and my daughter says, “Mom, spell grass.”

“G-R-A-S-S,” I say.

Photo by KDW 2013

“Spell flower.”

“F-L-O-W-E-R,” I say.

“Spell cloud.”

“C-L-O-U-D.”

“Spell iPod.”

It’s Hollie Bear’s birthday. That’s right, a full year since I wrote this.

I can’t believe it.

There’s a song Hollie and I think of as our song in which the lyrics say, “If you only knew how long I had waited for someone to come along and change my life the way you’ve done.”

Head Coach Mommy and a Rogue HB

I benched HB this morning. When she doesn’t do what she’s told to do, she gets benched. It’s our version of time-out. We’re a sports family so “time-out” was too benign. Quarterbacks call time out when the defense shows blitz. It’s a chance to regroup, but it’s a voluntary break, not a punishment.

What we’ve done by employing the bench and time out is that HB can choose time out, she can decide she wants to regroup. And she does, occasionally, when things aren't going her way. She removes herself to her room think and then returns to the field.

The bench is punishment.

Shanahan and Beck, Redskins 2011, wahingtonpost.com

So, back to this morning.

Me: Get dressed.

HB: (lays on floor in child’s pose)

Me: Get dressed.

HB: (still on the floor, begins to whine)

Me: Get dressed. I don’t want to tell you again.

HB: (still on the floor, moans)

Me: If you’re going to sit and moan you can do that on the bench.

I’ll spare you the rest of the details and save you a call to DSS. Suffice it to say we ended up with her on the bench, whine progressing to a wail.

I said, “You may get off the bench at any time. You just have to go to your room to get dressed.”

Understand what's at stake

When HB doesn’t do what I ask her to do, I tell her she can do it nicely, or I will force her to do it. I tell her if I have to force her I will not be gentle. This morning I followed through on my threat to force her and not be gentle. I pulled the shirt over her upstretched arms and wrestled her into the skirt. To her credit, she did not kick or fight as she’s done in the past.