ROAR!!! Then wait. Repeat as necessary.

I’ve always loved March’s “in like a lion, out like a lamb” dichotomy. On the one side, there’s a fierce restlessness and on the other, a kind of peaceful hopefulness.

It’s not much of a stretch to say I’ve repeated this pattern in my life almost as if, being born in this month, I was given a script by which to operate.

I can be very Lion-ish about certain things. I once identified it as my leadership style. The entrepreneur in me, the would-be punk with mismatched clothes and wild hair, she’s a Lion. Nonconformist, freedom-loving, and willing to debate and argue politics. She’s been woke these last few years after #MeToo, #Resist, and #ShePersisted. She’s been willing to admit her privilege and tried to be empathetic to the journey others are on.

A lion is a pack animal, protective and focused on doing what needs to be done. We’re talking the Nala kind of lion, not Simba the slacker.

Photo Courtesy ScreenPrism.com

My lion side wants to force things, take the lead, share a vision that others embrace and respond to. She’s writing the entrepreneurism “textbook” (more of a digital course supplement than traditional textbook). She sees gaps in the marketplace.

My lion side gets discouraged and frustrated when she can’t rally people to the cause. Why don’t we have more listeners on our radio show? Why can’t we get people to participate in our local authors book club? Why is it so hard to build a tribe?

If you build it, they will come isn’t exactly a business strategy. My lion side knows this. She wants to work, to hustle, to build.

Then there’s the lamb. She sacrifices herself. She accepts a certain kind of dismissal, overlooking, and low expectations. She doesn’t bite back when people say, “If you can do it, so can I.” (Cuz really, fuck that. No, you can’t.)

She smiles with grace and dignity when she’s denied funding for an idea. When she loses a sale. When she’s ignored by decision makers, king makers, in this town. She defers: recommends and promotes others into roles she ought to be Lion-ish about. She gives.

And then she lays down and waits.

And this frustrates my lion side. I want to advocate but am I standing on an empty shore and spitting into the wind?

It’s my birthday month. A traditional month of introspection for me. The year I turned 40 I started a little journal of the “well-lived life” things I was going to do: read more female authors (check), spend more time with family (check), donate more clothing (umm), build Hollie’s scrapbook (umm), submit to more journals (yes, but with sad results).

It’s three years later and I’m no worse off now than I was then. I’ve published a book, earned a full-time faculty position, and established the only school for consultants in South Carolina. I’ve also gotten into some of the habits I wanted to establish like attending live events and blogging more regularly.

This month I’ll be taking stock again. The lamb in me wants to understand where I’ve been and how to course correct. The lion in me wants action.

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

A lot of GenXers are loathe to admit we should have been wearing bike helmets as kids. It seems silly to us that our kids see them as essential as a seatbelt in the backseat or hand sanitizer before snack.

When did we get so deliberate in our safety efforts?

While I may forget to remind her about the helmet, I have been very deliberate in a specific realm of Hollie’s life: communication. Charlie and I are really, really good at communication. We expect Hollie to be, too. 

It takes work, though. Especially when she doesn’t always have the vocabulary to express herself.

Hollie and I stood on the stairwell and looked up at the family pictures I’d assembled there.

“What do the words say?” I asked her.

“Caring. Kindness. Love.” She read each one, rolling the syllables over in her mouth. “Honesty. Trust. Integrity.”

“Those are our family values,” I said. “Caring. Kindness. Love. I expect you to treat your friends with those values. Do you understand?”

She nodded. She’s learning. And I’m doing the best I can to teach her. 

So this is an apology to her friends, our neighbors, and any other kids we come in combat with. She’s learning.

I don’t want Hollie to adopt “hug your sibling” apology skills. 

I want her to understand what an apology actually is:

1. acknowledge what you did
2. acknowledge the outcome of that action
3. recognize why the outcome was hurtful or bad
4. demonstrate remorse.

And if she can do one and two but doesn’t think there is a bad or hurtful outcome, then I won’t force her to apologize.

Waiting

Lately I’ve noticed our lunch-time servers in various corporate restaurants are older. They look to be about 50 or higher. Yesterday’s Red Robin waitress was certainly a grandmother.

I’m sure there are employment trends tracked on sites like Salary.com and LinkedIn to suggest that mid-career workers are more likely to have been laid off in the financial crisis in 2008. Many were probably unable to take early retirement and therefore found alternative employment.

Mid-career workers are the ones whose tenure and experience make them expensive. But the ranks narrow at the top of the company. Ambition is what would keep them in the organization, the desire to achieve leadership heights. And the willingness to put in whatever hours, travel, and sacrifice necessary to achieve those heights.

Saving Daylight

I went out for a run at 3:30 in the afternoon. I usually go at 9:30 in the morning but it was raining so I held off until 3:30.

Not too long ago I had a single time slot for a workout: 5 a.m. If I got up and went I was proud of myself, if I missed it there was no second chance and I’d berate myself all day.

Now, though, my days are much more fluid.

I eschew schedules. Always have.

I have a certain number of things that need to be accomplished and I will put them in logical order and work through them. I will work until they are done. But the same thing every day? No, thank you.

I didn’t used to have this freedom. I had to have my butt in a chair every day by 8:30 a.m. I was stuck in that chair until 5:30 p.m. That was me paying my dues.

But now I have control over my own destiny and I’m a little bit like the new pilot asking in mid-air, “where to?”

A Birthday Resolution

It’s been a week since A Birthday Juxtaposition. In past years I would still be celebrating my birthday. But I’m older. I only celebrated for four days.

Anyway, the juxtaposition put Lady Gaga, ROI, and Generation Flux against one another in an epic (not really) mind map. Mind mapping is a good way to make sense of disconnected thoughts fighting for attention while you’re trying to focus.

I started with Gaga. March 28^th was her birthday so I used mine, the 29^th, to salute her. I explained her use of fame as a medium like painting or music. I confessed I love her.

Then I wrote on ROI. I am still working on the project to show exactly what impact our team is having on reducing financial leakage. I wrote a formula into which we could plug various measurements to deduce the definitive sum that would be ROI. It looks something like this:

L= T[I_s + L]

No, I won’t explain it. And yes, I do apologize to all the legitimate math people who will be offended by my abuse of their symbols.

Another GenXer in Flux

I want to break my default settings. I want out of the day-to-day life of boredom, routine, and petty frustration (with a nod to David Foster Wallace, linked above).

I know most people don’t think their desires are unreasonable. Except, when I say mine aloud, the people around me scoff. Audibly.

Some of my favorite nay-sayings:

·         Just be glad you have a job.

·         You may have to take what you can get.

·         Well everyone wants that, but be realistic.

·         If the opportunity presents itself, sure, but it’s unlikely.

·         How will you make money that way?

·         I just don’t see how it would work.

The last one is Cuk, my ROI-model-requiring husband. Show me the plan, give me the proof, explain exactly how it will work and also, what the back-up plan is.

Stick to what you know

Most of these voices come from a traditional economy. The traditional economy looks like this: eight-to-five work day, five days a week, office, cubicle, meetings, Outlook calendars, phone extensions, regular paychecks with direct deposit and 401k contributions.

Stability, right? Not so in 2008. Not so in 2009.

I am grateful for having “survived.” I'm grateful for my employer having “survived,” under incredibly competent leadership, with only a small share of the overall casualties. I know my family was extremely lucky and continues to benefit from the benevolence of stable, profitable companies.

But it’s not 2009 anymore. And I'm moving to Clemson Road.